


Regalia Repartee

by eveshka



Series: Tales of the Dawn King [25]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11055714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveshka/pseuds/eveshka
Summary: Four men in a car.





	1. Steaks

**Author's Note:**

> Because what the hell, Square? You gave us on-field banter but none in the Regalia.

"99 steaks in the Regalia's trunk. 99 garula steaks. Take one out, have a cookout... 98 steaks in the Regalia's trunk."

"Prompto, can it before Iggy stuffs a dirty sock in your mouth."

*snorts*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My husband, re the Garula steaks song: "There are no Garula steaks in the trunk, Prompto. There is, however, enough tofu for dinner tonight."


	2. Bits

“And precisely what will you do with… seventy-eight rusted bits, Noctis?”

“Dunno. Just stick them in the Zu beak for now. I'll figure it out later.”

“Man, if my bits ever rusted, that would be a sad day.”

“Dude, gross.”


	3. Catch

“Hey, Ignis, catch!”

“What… what the hell is that, Noct?”

“It appears to be some sort of mushroom. Excellent find, Noct. I’ve come up with a new recipe.”

“Did you do that on purpose? Because I think you totally did.”


	4. White

“Prompto, you have changed the radio station fifty-two times in the past ten minutes. Touch the dial again and you'll be on dish duty for the next four days.”

“Just don't put him on laundry duty, Specs. Shiva only knows what he did to my socks.”

“Not like you wear anything white to get prissy about.”

“…”

“Dude. Were those _yours_?”

“Prompto, if the words ‘tighty whities’ pass your lips, I will order Ignis to cut them off.”

“Say it, Prompto. I'd _pay_ to see Iggy strip him.”

*long suffering sigh amidst indignant shouts and laughter*


	5. Dung

“I call dibs on the shower.”

“Yeah, you stink.”

“You weren’t supposed to agree with me, Noct.”

“He could have stated it a bit more politely, yes.”

“Ignis!”

“Hey Prompto, next time you feel like standing up on the chocobo’s saddle, try not to fall in the dung.”


	6. Peril

“Noct, Noct!”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to say ‘who's there,’ dude.”

*snorts*

*slight chuckle*

“Uh… Ignis? Am I missing something?”

“Nothing warranting attention… Noct, kick the back of my seat again at peril.”


	7. Simmer

“Hey, Prompto?

“Kweh?”

“Simmer down, chocobro.”

*snorts*

“Dude. Not cool.”


	8. Anak

“Hey, Ignis?”

“Noct?”

“Why did the anak cross the road?”

*sigh* “I don't know, why _did_ the anak cross the road?”

“I dunno either, but you should probably stop to ask it.”


	9. Aftermath

“Wow, ya’ll really made a mess of the old girl.”

“We made a mess of the anak, that’s for sure.”

“Prompto, please refrain from further commentary.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to eat tofu for dinner.”

“Hey Cindy, lemme give you a hand.”


	10. Stuff

“So Noct, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Oh, you know… stuff.”

“Stuff.”

“Uh-huh. _Stuff_.”

“Gonna share?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“He’s pointing his dagger at you, isn’t he?”

“Ha-ha, you’re too funny, Noct. Shutting up now.”


	11. Beans

“Well, he’s out. Prompto?”

“Out like a lightbulb.”

“So when are you going to tell him?”

“Likely never.”

“Eventually, he’s gonna figure it out.”

“The day Noctis determines that the gravy he likes on the rice bowl is made of ground up beans is the day Prompto drives the car again.”

“Fair enough.”


	12. Read

“I could go for an Ebony about now.”

“Something to look forward to?”

“I’m afraid not; I fear I need the caffeine.”

“Hey Gladio, read us something.”

“Uh… his massive hands encircled her pure white mounds, thumbs flicking-“

“Thank you, Gladio, that will be all.”

*quiet snickers*


	13. Spy

“I spy with my little eye something that starts with ‘B’.”

“Behemoth?”

“Nope.”

“Bottle?”

“No-puh.”

“I give.”

“Boredom.”

“Boredom is an abstract, and therefore can’t be seen. Prompto, if you must insist on car games, at least play by the rules.”

“It’s not an abstract! It’s all over my face. See? This is my boredom face- hey! What was that for?”

“It should go without saying that I’m driving.”

“I spy with my little eye something that starts with ‘B’.”

“Don’t bait him, Prompto, he still has some of that tofu.”

“That bird. Right there. B-I-R-D.”

“Nice save.”

“Indeed.”


	14. Sit

“NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM! If you don’t sit your ass back down in that seat this instant, the only thing you will be eating for the foreseeable future is grilled tofu, beans, and carrots.”

“Dude… I’ve never heard Ignis speak in capital letters before.”


	15. Chocobo

“I want to ride my chocobo all dayyyyy…”

“Ignis, make him stop.”

“I want to ride my chocobo all dayyyyy…”

“Prompto, cut it out.”

“I want to ride my chocobo all dayyyyy…”

“Gentlemen, it won’t do any good. You see, I’m afraid he’s singing in his sleep.”

“I want to ride my chocobo all dayyyyy…”

*groans*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, and goodnight!


End file.
